CANTONVILLE, NEW YORK - In a bizarre turn of events, a man shoots down an alien aircraft with a home-made RPG, as his wife records it on video camera and then disappears. This all happened sometime last Thursday, the man told WEIRD Weekly. I took a trip to his house up in the rocky Adirondacks to investigate. I was invited into the house and offered coffee. I declined, and asked to see the video evidence if possible. Showing us the video, he smiled proudly and pointed out the direct hit. At first, I laughed, then asked to see the wreckage in person. Smiling back at me, he stood up. "Follow me," he said smugly.
A minute later, I could not believe my eyes. This was an elaborate set up, for sure. The craft was in remarkable shape, looking like the classic flying saucer, yet it seemed to be made completely out of aluminum or something like it. Before the man could object, I gave the craft a good hard kick. He didn't protest, and neither did the ship. My foot did, however. Bending down to rub my foot, I grimaced. "Have you opened it yet?" I said half-jokingly. The man scratched his head. "Naw, I was waiting for you. We can both open it." And we did.
I was hit with a warm wave of hot air, and coughed. The grey man stared at me, it's huge black eyes unmoving. The doll even smelled realistic. "So how did it die?" I inquired. The man coughed. "I dunno. Maybe had a heart attack." This idea struck me as funny for some reason, and I began to laugh. The man joined in, and we both laughed hard for a good half minute. "The best part is, I had to kill my wife to get that smell right." he said off-toned, his laughter evaporating. I laughed even harder. For some reason, the man just stared at me. Something was wrong. "Would you like to see my wife?" he asked, his eyes blank now. My smile died. I began to perspire a little bit, and coughed again. "That's kind sir, but I believe our time is up. You have a great day." Turning back around and getting in my VW bus, I drove away quickly.
The man was reported missing the next day, no wreckage, no bodies, no trace. Police have not found any leads towards his disappearance, or his wife's wherabouts.