London, United Province Of Europe. - We met up with a rather dishevelled pressman who admitted he'd been out 'having a good bender for four years or so' in a bar in Soho, London.
"They're coming!" he told us, somewhat overenthusiastically as he staggered from pillar to post with a demented look in his eyes. "THEY'RE COMING I TELL YOU!!!"
"Who, exactly are coming?" our reporting team asked as they propped the pissed-up pressman up by his elbows and lower back as he threatened to keel over and leave us with nothing further to report should he collapse in a drunken stupour and bang his head on the floor or something.
"The Jonas Brothers!" our contact told us as he staggered about for a bit and drooled a lot. "They're COMING!!!"
"Why?" we had the temerity to ask.
"Because they're crap compared to the Monkees, which speaks volumes," our man told us. "So we had a concept-crunch meeting and concluded that as long as we could bill them with inferior combo's such as Girls Aloud and The Pussycat Dolls, they'd look REALLY good."
"Oh" we quipped.
"You'll see!!!" our man said. "These guys will be bigger than Gary Puckett And The Union Gap!!!"
We were left somewhat bemused, but it should be said that talent is a gift. This gift appears to have successfully eluded The Jonas Brothers, Girls Aloud, The Pussycat Dolls (I hate this part right here) and particularly Beyonce Knowles.
Our contact was last seen sliding gracefully under a bus
How we laughed!!!
More as we get it.