New Board Games For Christmas

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 18 December 2008

image for New Board Games For Christmas
The King George The Invader board game (not available in Crawford, Texas)

CINCINNATI, Ohio - One of the biggest toy and board game manufacturers in the world, Milf Botty has just come out with some board games just in time for Christmas.

Dawson B. Ellsworth, director of new board game development helped to introduce, market, and distribute the following four new board games.

THE GIMME GIMME BAILOUT GAME: One of this Christmas season's most popular board games was actually invented by Nancy Pelosi, speaker of the house. Player's start off with $100 million and as each player begins to lose it he then starts to whine and cry and ends up begging to get more money from the government.

And the money was lost simply because he failed to run his company properly. This game was originally going to be called 'Welfare For The Rich' but apparently that name is already registered to a rock band from Seattle.

THE SARAH PALIN FAMILY GAME: This game has already completely sold out in Alaska, North Dakota, Zimbabwe, and Aguascalientes, Mexico.

Players get to pick from six game pieces representing Palin family members, including Sarah, Todd, Track, Bristol, Willow, and Piper.

The players then fly down to the 'Lower 48' and encounter all sorts of problems such as wardrobe expenditures, unplanned pregnancies, lack of knowledge in foreign affairs, Katie Couric, free unwarranted flights for all the kids, Charlie Gibson, and lipstick on a pitbull jokes.

The game ends when someone draws the dreaded 'John McCain & Sarah Palin Got Their Asses Kicked In The Election' card.

THE MUNTAZER AL-ZAIDI SHOE TOSS GAME: Players start off with six pairs of shoes each and and when someone says 'Go!' all of the players start throwing the shoes at each other.

For each shoe that a player ducks from unhit he will receive 10 points if it is a left shoe, and 12 points if it is a right shoe. If a player scores a direct hit, he is awarded 100 points.

The game ends when all players have tossed all six pairs of shoes. Milton Bratty highly recommends that all players wear a football helmet, a motorcycle helmet, or at the very least a gimme baseball cap. [NOTE: This game is not recommended for children under six, or for adults with a foot fetish.]

THE KING GEORGE THE INVADER GAME: In this military game players see how many third-world countries they can invade, attack, and basically destroy all to hell for no reason at all within a 30 minute time period.

Players receive 50 points for each country that they blow to smithereens. Also there is a 1,000 point WMD bonus to the player who finds any weapons of mass destruction (Good Luck!). [NOTE: This game will be sold in the Japanese market under the name, 'The Emperor George The Invader Game.']

These games, as with all board games sold by The Milton Bratty Company, come with the explicit warning: KEEP AWAY FROM OPEN FLAME.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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