Written by JAB

Saturday, 19 January 2008

image for Hillary: "The choice is Split Pea vs Black Eyed Pea"

COLUMBIA, SC - Senator Hillary Clinton in a speech to the Farm Workers of America gave some background to the 35 years of experience that she believes makes her the most qualified to be the next Democratic Presidential nominee; here is part of that speech:

"I think it's fitting that I'm addressing you, the hard working class of fruit and vegetable workers, since, my early start in public life was as a vegetable, so to speak.I was not crowned Miss Iceberg Lettuce, as some would have you believe, at the Illinois Warren County fair, but was runner up as Miss Split Pea. I was crowned Miss Split Pea after it was discovered the original winner was a transvestite.

"As Miss Split Pea, I traveled to various state fairs throughout the country. I eventually, met Bill at the Hope County Fair in Arkansas. He was quite the ladies man even then, eyeing Miss Melons, Miss Peach and Miss Flowers. I really got to know him after he was crowned Mr. Dill Pickle and we started working together, organizing State Fairs. We eventually married and forgive me if I get a little teary eyed, produced a little pearl onion, Chelsea -- whew, that was tough.

"With the help of Mr. Potato Head, Miss Collard Green, Mr. String Bean, Miss Carrot Top and countless others, I worked to merge County and State fairs into a National organization. I concede that had I known then what I know now I might have done things differently. There were some, like Mr. Black-Eyed Pea, Miss Artichoke, Miss Leeks and I believe Mr. Sauerkraut who disagreed with the policy and wanted to get out immediately without any thought of the consequences. I disagreed with that position thinking it very naïve and showing total lack of experience.

"I learned from those early days that experience counts and that change without understanding is not the prudent path to follow.

"And so I ask, you when you cast your vote, to remember the experience of Miss Split Pea versus the naiveté of Mr. Black-Eyed Pea.

"Thank You and God bless the fruits and vegetables of America."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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