Hillary courting southern redneck vote in Orangeburg confesses grandmother was a roller derby queen

Written by King David

Tuesday, 15 January 2008

image for Hillary courting southern redneck vote in Orangeburg confesses grandmother was a roller derby queen
Hillary Clinton's mother was a roller derby queen

Hillary Clinton, not pretending that she is going to get any of the African-American vote in South Carolina, woke up this morning and hit the streets driving a red Ford-150 pick-up truck with a bumper sticker of the confederate flag and a box of Krispy Crème Donuts in the passenger seat while singing to a recording of Merle Haggard's, confessional, "Okie from Muskogee" on the stereo.

    "We don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee;
    We don't take our trips on LSD
    We don't burn our draft cards down on Main Street;
    We like livin' right, and bein' free."

Clinton was reported courting the southern redneck vote in Orangeburg hair salons, barber shops, churches, gas stations, bars, the court house, DWI classes, bait and tackle shops, convenience stores, waiting in line at the DMV, trailer parks, Wal-Mart, fire stations, Waffle House and Hardees fast food restaurants.

Wearing curlers, a white negligee and pink, heelless slippers, she took to the streets of Orangeburg campaigning like a gay Confederate general as battle lines extended from last week's Democratic primary in New Jersey to this week in South Carolina.

To get the attention of the ladies in the hair salon, Clinton used a bullhorn and a fake southern accent while they dried their hives under hair dryer units that looked like giant eggs.

"Hi, yal! Yal look like you got the eggs!" she yelled. "Well, I got the bacon! You think I'm just a damned yankee, don't cha? Privileged northeasterner who forgot all you common grits. Well, I got neeeeeews for you. My grand momma was a roller derby queen. In New Yark City! Yeah. I seen her elbow my grand pa a coupla times that way. Man named Jim Crotche wrote a song about her."

Recent polls show Obama not surprisingly with a lead over Clinton among African-Americans in the state.

"Our only chance in South Carolina is the southern redneck, or bubba vote," said Clinton. "I may try black face a little later on in the bar. It worked in the 1920's. It should work again here. That's after I go to the boat and gun and knife shows."

    "I'm proud to be an Okie from Muskogee,
    A place where even squares can have a ball
    We still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse,
    And white lightnin's still the biggest thrill of all"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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