Metaphysical Affair

Funny story written by walter

Sunday, 18 November 2007


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If you ask my partner, he'll assign much more attributes than '29, 35-24-36, 60 kg, 170 cm tall healthy sexy female'. The reason I bring this up is the mysterious significance of my fitting measurements. Don't get me wrong. My intimate life prior to the episode, shortly explained, seemed perfectly all right. Briefly, we were both mystically led to take a trip to the 'Valley of Fertility', in the vicinity of Ashgabat, Turkmenistan.

When we left the nearby village on horseback and crossed a hilltop, the guide pointed to a strip of land and said, "This is the Valley of Fertility." Primarily, what we saw was a small mud structure standing in the middle of a valley. Then the guide added, "Visitors, mostly barren women, come here seeking help from the tomb as well as the Rock Hawk, residing in that cave. They wait until two o'clock in the afternoon, when they, one by one, enter the cave, off limit to men, to meet the Rock Cock.

I, too, alone entered the cave. To my right, I found a formation resembling the head of a bird, the tip of the purple bill resting on the floor. The curvature was extremely smooth but not necessarily flat. I knew the female visitors were required to take off their clothes before crawling up the bill.

I saw several natural handholds, resembling nostrils, on either side of the convex bill. Gripping two handholds, I placed my naked breasts and belly on the flat top of the curved rock. My next attempt was to lift my body up.

Now, putting fingers in the grips, I placed one cheek on the slanted side of the formation, hugging the cool rock. Then, alternately changed the grips and strode the hump-like rock. Feet off the ground, I closed eyes and rested for a while. At this position, my entire body was in intimate contact with the rock. Jolting back and forth, I felt some smooth bubble-like reliefs as large as eggs. Now, I felt that the reliefs were in touch with some sensitive parts and spots of my body, unknown to me earlier.

Putting my lips on one protruding projection, mysteriously I felt being kissed. A little stationary movement gave me a very peculiar sensation. Inching to the right and to the left, I unintentionally brought my genitals on the top of a peculiar bud as if scaled down to fit my body! A little round and round turn gave me different sensation than I had ever felt before. Now, in order to prevent sliding downward, I had to shift alternately the handholds, which brought me into contact with new buds bafflingly different from previous ones. In this position, I felt magnetically pinned down. Next, I felt being vacuumed. Then, a feeling of weightlessness overcame me. After that, I felt catapulted into a serene endless space. I do not remember how and when I touched down.
Careful! These statues could get you pregnant
Thu Feb 5, 2009 3:31 PM EST Associated Press MYRTLE BEACH - Starting a family might be a little easier with a trip to Ripley's Believe It or Not museum in Myrtle Beach. The museum on Thursday opens a month long display of its fertility statues. The 5-foot tall wooden statues were acquired on the Ivory Coast of West Africa in 1993. The company says they were then placed in its corporate headquarters in Orlando, Fla., and within months, 13 women became pregnant.

The statues have since been on display around the world. According to the company, more than 2,000 women have reported becoming pregnant after touching the statues.
They will be on display at Ripley's through the first of March. The company says couples wanting to have a baby can touch the statues for free during business hours.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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