"Sopranos" finale hits a sour note with fans; website flooded with alternate endings

Written by Robert W. Armijo

Friday, 15 June 2007

image for "Sopranos" finale hits a sour note with fans; website flooded with alternate endings
Soprano fans crash site with their endings of the season's finale

New York, New York - Frustrated Soprano fans shut down the show's website with complaints, even their own visions of how they thought how the show should have ended, hoping producers would re-shoot the season finale.

The following are the three best examples of the reoccurring themes involving irony, poetic justice, or a classical ending for the "Sopranos" season finale written by the fans themselves.

Ironic ending for the Sopranos' season finale:

Tony sees through the dinner window an old lady getting mugged; he stands up to help telling his family nothing of it; says he'll be right back. They think nothing of it and continue eating onion rings.

Outside he confronts a young guy trying to take the old lady's purse. They begin to fight. The old lady pulls a gun from her purse and shoots at the mugger but mistakenly hits Tony in the heart. Dead bang.

As Tony's family stands over his dead body crying, the old lady is heard telling the police she had to carry a gun because of all the mob gang violence in the neighborhood lately.

Then you fade to black and cut the music, not before.

-- Rita Goldsmith, 76,
grandmother of six, Wisconsin

Poetic Justice ending for the Sopranos' season finale:

All the men at the Holsten's dinner counter are all hit men, even that guy who walked past Tony to go to the bathroom.

All of a sudden, gunshots ring out. Only Tony and his family survive, initially. Tony is gravely wounded.

At the hospital, Tony asks for a Catholic priest to take his confession and get his last rights.

An old Catholic priest walks in for his confession. Tony sees he has to lean into the priest to whisper into his ear because he is old and can't hear to good.

Tight shot of Tony's face over the old priest's back as he whispers inaudible words into the old priest's ear. Tony wrinkles his nose as if he smells bad cheese.

Then Tony begins to smile, even giggle a little as the priest consoles him and tells him he is forgiven by God - "But not by me," says the old priest.

Still on tight shot over old priest's back, close up on Tony's face now slowing changing expression from a smile to a look of shock to frozen lifeless stare of acceptance.

The old priest pulls away shouting in Italian, "Vendetta!"

Crane shot of Tony dead on his hospital bed with a knife stuck in his chest.

Then you fade to black and cut the music, not before.

-- Father Kelly O'Brien, 63,
Boys Town, Nebraska

Classical ending for the Sopranos' season finale:

All of a sudden crash! A car drives through the Holsten's dinner killing every body except Tony's and his family.

But a moment before, Tony jumps up as soon as he sees the car headlights shining through the dinner's windows. He tells his family to get down, while he pulls out a gun.

Bang! Bang! Bang! The driver slumps over the driving wheel dead, three caps to the head. Clean not too much blood. Too much red blood that is, only that black organ blood slowly oozing out of the holes, tight shot only of the holes.

Slow, panning shot from inside the car, over to the hood outside of the car, lots of steam and smoke temporarily obscuring the view until Tony appears in the shot.

He is pined to the dinner wall. Autographed black and white photographs of famous non-mobster Italian-Americans seem to look on at him with frozen smiles of satisfaction at finally seeing the death of an Italian-American stereotype.

Unable to move, still pined between the car and wall, Tony begins to say long good-byes to each of his family members juxtaposed with a montage of all the good times, he had killing people.

Then he asks about his missing daughter -- you know the one that don't know how to parallel park.

He begins to take notice of the car. It looks familiar. He asks his son to check who the driver was…it's his daughter.

Tony suddenly breaks out into song right then and there while still pined to the dinner wall by a ton of metal, rubber and plastic just like that singing clown Rigoletto in that play 18th century by Giuseppe Verdi when he found out he killed his own daughter.

But most importantly, then you fade to black and cut the music, not before.

-- Rita Goldsmith, 48,
high school music teacher/driving
instructor, California

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more