Numerous Valentine theme letters arrived at The Spoof sexspert paraphernalia4yourgenitalia.cum. Here's one I think everyone can relate to:
Dear P4YG,
What's the best position for Valentine's day?
Signed KnotAContortionist
Dear KnotA,
Boy, oh, girl can we relate! Those Kama Sutra sexsual poses almost killed us. How many double-jointed Asian Indians were they? All I can say is: You're a better man than me, Gunga Din! But on to your query.
Romance, my dear KnotA, is the position we recommend for the feast day of love. Breakfast in bed! Then, a massage and day in the jacuzzi (see P4YG.cum guide to spagasms).
A wonderful dinner at your favorite gourmet bistro. A fine film and some exquisite dessert with really strong after dinner drinks atop your town's highest peak (Thin Oxygen is essential. A jaunting carriage ride home followed by a warm bath and a foot massage and both of you will drift off to sleep without the pressure of some ridiculous sexsual olympiad...
Careful,
P4YG
