Written by King David

Monday, 13 November 2006

image for Rumsfeld Serenades American People With Popular Folk Song

WASHINGTON-In a farewell tribute to the American people, Donald Rumsfeld took out an acoustic guitar and sung Bob Dylan's, "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright," today at the White House.

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don't matter anyhow
And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don't already know by now
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You've the reason I'm traveling on
Don't think twice, it's all right...

"Man, I didn't know old Rummy had it in him," the president was quoted as saying. "He's been hiding out on us Laura, baby."

"It reminded me of the scene in 'The Sound of Music' when the admiral patriarch, Christopher Plumber takes out his guitar and plays Edelweiss for the German people before the family escapes to Austria and the Swiss Alps," said another spectator. Rumsfeld seemed close to tears on several of the verses.

...It ain't no use in turning on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
And it ain't no use in turning on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
But I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talking anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right...

People who were there said that Rumsfeld used a pretty clean hesitated and alternating bass finger picking style. Many people were surprised that the ex-secretary of defense could play so well. But people often have hidden talents that we don't know about.

The crowd sat on the white house lawn and listened to Rummy wail away. The atmosphere was looser and more relaxed than usual.

George Bush and the first lady were seen sitting cross legged with Bill and Hillary Clinton seated next to them in the same fashion. Joints were passed around in the circle as the first lady took a hit and passed it to the president. He took a hit and passed it to Clinton. Clinton, of course, never inhaled but was said to have chowed down on a chocolate sundae provided by white house staff after he got up and left the circle.

It was reported that one time each president broke out in laughter at the other and could not stop laughing. "It was as if they had been old fraternity brothers," one eye witness said. Both presidents were in tears before the laughter subsided several minutes later.

Jimmy Carter, Jessie Jackson and Carl Rove were all seen in tie-died shirts and blue bandanas. Jimmy Carter could have passed for Willie Nelson's brother if he had one.

Eye witnesses say that two of Rumsfeld's children came up to him after the song was over and told him that they were grateful to him and that now he could pursue his dream of becoming a rock star.

Apparently this dream of Rumsfeld's was interrupted when he was drafted into the Army and started a family early. He said that he had to be responsible for several children and a wife. That was why he could not pursue a career in music. If family hadn't have been there the ex-secretary of defense said that he would have given it a shot.

Asked what he planned to do next, Rummy told reporters that he wasn't sure.

"I think I'll kick around a bit and see who's playin'. And if it feels right, maybe join a band or something," he said.

...It ain't no use in calling out my name, gal
Like you never done before
It ain't no use in calling out my name, gal
I can't hear you anymore
I'm a thinking and a wonderin' walking down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart, but she wanted my soul
Don't think twice, it's all right...

Bye Rummy. We'll miss you.
You're now free.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more