Britney Spears Making Whoopee

Written by Neil Levine

Monday, 30 October 2006

image for Britney Spears Making Whoopee
Baby, baby, baby

MTV Land, Hollywood, California---Britney Spears is promising anyone who will listen and even some who won't that she is planning to return to her first love, making babies.

"It's as easy as baking a cake. You take an egg, rub some sticky sperm on it, the stickiest the better, shake gently with a satisfied loving motion, and, viola, nine months later you're preggers and ready to introduce your darling little one to the paparazzi and gossip rags."

"I've found this simple formula to work every time. I already have two sweet dearies with Kevin and K Fed has four all over the place so you can see we have lots of experience and are getting better every day and in every way."

"Best of all, the way we do it, you don't have to show and you can keep your clothes on all day and into the evening if that's what makes you comfortable."

"To tell you the truth, some places are more fun than others. We've tried it everywhere, bed, bath, beyond, car, sofa, public park and especially in private planes."

"If you have to know, that free fall flying feeling has got the beat."

"Look. See what great shape I'm in. I've been practising." She takes the missionary position. "I've been trying more advanced techniques, too. 'Three legged.' Doggy style. Don't ask, don't tell. As that old song goes,

'Another bride
Another groom
Another sunny
Another season,
Another reason
For makin' whoopee.

A quiet service,
A lot of rice,
The groom is nervous He answers twice.
It's really killing
That he's so willing
To make whoopee.'"

"Don't you just love the lyricism, once you get into the rhythm."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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