Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

image for Rob Pattinson Reveals His Secret Crush To Co-Stars Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder
RPattz as Sir Sirloin, The Scourge of The Spacious Salivators of The Sprawling Spanish State of San Sancho.

HOLLYWOOD - The star of the Twilight series Rob Pattinson is starring with Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder in a motion picture which is based on their hit show The Vampire Diaries.

The movie which is being directed by Manolo Middlezuck is entitled, The Vampire Diaries - The Erotically Titillating Movie.

Middlezuck, who also directs the television hit series, has stated that Rob Pattinson is a pleasure to work with and not at all an egomaniac like some of the other actors he has worked with including Sean Penn, Lindsay Lohan, Christian Bale, Tila Tequila, and Nicolas Cage.

Middlezuck spoke with Vodka Vermicelli of iRumors and informed her that he was supposed to have worked on a film with Kanye West three months ago but the minute that he first met West, he realized that it was not going to work.

He pointed out that West the Pest immediately informed him that he would not be working before noon and that he would have to have two buckets of buffalo wings at his disposal at all times.

Middlezuck said that he fired him on the spot and replaced him with Halle Berry.

Miss Vermicelli asked RPattz about his alleged secret crush that he had revealed to film co-stars Dobrev and Somerhalder.

Pattinson turned a light pink sort of like a Colorado carnation and said that the two lovebirds had promised him that they would not tell.

Miss V commented that they didn't disclose the person's name. He then admitted that he had confided to Nina and Ian that he does in fact have a secret crush and that it is on his co-star and love interest in the movie the beautifully stunning and fabulously well-endowed Colombian actress Sofia Vergara.

Rob noted that in the movie Vergara portrays Lolianna the Seductress of All Things Lusciously Lascivious. He grinned and said that he really and truly could not think of a more fitting actress to play the part.

RPattz said that he has never known an actress who can memorize her lines as fast as Sofia does. He added that the star of the number one situation comedy on television Modern Family also has the sexiest accent that he has ever heard.

He shyly remarked that he has never heard the words "Oh Patty, ju are shust too gotch darn cute for words oh jes ju are" sound so sexy.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I must say that in the derriere department Miss Vergara is certainly in the same league as J.Lo and the Kardashian sisters. Wowie, zowie and good golly Miss Molly!]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
73 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more