Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 13 June 2011

image for Cheryl Cole Makes It Abundantly Clear That The Girls Aloud Reunion Tour Will Have To Go On Without Her
Queen Elizabeth II shown wearing a hat that was given to her by Cheryl Cole. (Photo courtesy of Prince Philip).

LONDON - Still reeling from being fired by America's version of X-Factor and being dumped by boyfriend Derek Hough, Cheryl Cole has returned to England.

She spoke with Loretta Piffinshaw of Ta Ta For Now News and told her that the past year has been one big, gigantic, darn roller coaster ride.

Cole revealed how she had gone to America in hopes of being as successful as other Brits who had gone to the U.S. and had been well received by the American people.

She mentioned Sharon Osbourne, the wife of Ozzy "Buuahhhmmm" Osbourne, Cat Deely, Len Goodman, Shania Twain, and Piers Morgan.

Piffinshaw informed Cole that Shania Twain is Canadian and not English. Chezza, as she is known in the United Kingdom replied that she thought she was English because she remembers reading somewhere that she loved fish and chips, bangers and mash, Yorkshire pudding, and mince crumpets.

When asked if she was planning on getting back with her old band mates Girls Aloud for their much talked about comeback album and tour, Cole smiled and said "Well...ahhh, let me just say this - no, been there done that."

And so it appears that Sarah Harding, Kimberly Walsh, Nicola Roberts, and Nadine Coyle will just have to find a way to go on without her.

Nadine Coyle, a native of Northern Ireland, really put it quite clearly and into perspective when she informed Tickety Boo News that she understands how Chezza must be feeling after being fired from X-Factor and then being dumped by Derek Hough.

Nadine smiled and said that it is probably best that Cole not join the rest of the girls because the way her luck has been going lately she would have probably gotten her ass kicked out of the band before the concert tour even started.

Birmingham Cribworthy of The Bees Knees News Agency is reporting that Cheryl's ex-husband Ashley Cole has told will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas in no uncertain terms that he does not want to see him anywhere near Cheryl or else he may be forced to give the Black Eyed Peas singer two black eyes.

In a related story. Cheryl Cole recently presented Queen Elizabeth II, with a brand new black indigo hat which she purchased in Avocado Heights, California. That now brings the number of the queen's hat collection to 1,404.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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