Justin Bieber Admits to Cake Phobia

Funny story written by Ryan Inverso

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

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Justin Bieber HATES this picture

Pop culture and YouTube singing sensation Justin Beiber took to Twitter today to express his complete and utter disdain for cake. This was in response to recent revelations by CSI "star" Marg Helenberg on French television about his on-set antics, where he allegedly locked a producer in a closet and karate chopped a cake.

"I hate desserts yo. Destroy cakes!" tweeted Bieber. "They give you zits and then you have to use Proactive, which totally works." he added in a follow up tweet sponsored by Proactive Solution. When we asked Bieber for a comment about his abhorrence towards cakes and all things sweet he told us: "When I was younger like two years ago and stuff, my parents like had this girl pop out of a cake for me at my birthday. She was like old, like maybe 25, and started rubbing her wrinkly body up on me and stuff. It was the scariest moment of my life. I hate old chicks. Ever since then when I see a cake I punch it, like YAAA!!"

"I hate everything about cakes." added Bieber. "That Duff guy on Food Network, I want cut his nuts off, and that other guy from New Jersey, I want to shove a pastry bag so far up his ass. Promoting cakes, what kind of sickos are they, yo?"

When asked about Helenberg's other accusations that he locked a producer in a closet Bieber told us "Yea I did that too. He was the guy that ordered the cake from catering. I had it in my rider "NO CAKES" and he had one there anyway. Plus, I can do whatever I want I'm Justin F@#king Beiber Damnit!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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