Is Yoko still bitter about Beatles stuff?

Funny story written by Frank Cotolo

Monday, 10 October 2005

image for Is Yoko still bitter about Beatles stuff?
Yoko Ono, who dislikes someone named Paul.

LONDON -- Yoko Ono accepted a Q Award on behalf of her late husband, John Lennon recently and at a press conference some people think she took a dig at Lennon's Beatles band mate Paul McCartney.

Allegedly, Yoko held up the special trophy and said, "You know where to put this, Paul."

Some critics think she was saying what Lennon would have said, had he been alive to accept the award.

"Of course if he was alive he wouldn't be accepting the award," said rock critic Piles McVain, who has written a book called The Awards John Lennon Cannot Accept Because He Is Dead.

Other reporters at the press conference said Ono never mentioned which Paul she was talking about.

"She could have meant Paul Peterson, the guy who played the son on The Donna Reed Show," said Kip Lipstick, a journalist at the Q Awards. "That guy made records, too."

"She could have been mentioning Paul Newman," said another journalist, "because she has gone on record saying she did not like The Sting."

"Yoko never said she didn't like The Sting," said another journalist. "She was talking about Sting, the singer."

"Yoko never spoke the name Sting in public," said Rip Wall, who once thought about writing for Rolling Stone.

A lot of people disagreed that Ono meant the remark for anyone except Paul McCartney. This is because the feud between Ono and McCartney is well documented.

Ono objected when McCartney reversed the "Lennon-McCartney" songwriting credit on his album, Back in the U.S. And she reportedly insisted that Paul was trying to "rewrite history" by taking complete credit for writing Yesterday.

Paul did, of course, write Yesterday all by himself. "But Ono didn't take Paul's name off of songs John wrote alone," said Will Spendshoes, whose new book is The Songs Lennon Wrote Alone That Have Paul Credited As A Co-Author.

"What about Ringo," said O'Reilly Buttermark, whose new book, What About Ringo, explores how Ringo Starr fits into any of these reports.

McCartney had complained that Ono wouldn't let him take sole credit for Yesterday, and threatened to start singing the song with the original title, Scrambled Eggs.

Ono came back and said John ate scrambled eggs and Paul could not say that he ate scrambled eggs without saying he did so with Lennon.

The Q Award was supposed to be for Lennon and McCartney, but Ono made the Q Award people take McCartney's name off of the award.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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