The Bachelor: In A Strange Turn Of Events It Now Seems Emily Maynard Is In Love With The Show's Host Chris Harrison

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

image for The Bachelor: In A Strange Turn Of Events It Now Seems Emily Maynard Is In Love With The Show's Host Chris Harrison
A spokesperson for ABC's "The Bachelor" says that Emily Maynard's ring is going back to the jewelers.

HOLLYWOOD - After having Brad Womack, aka "The Bachelor" pick Emily Maynard over Chantal O'Brien, which 91% of the shows viewers believed he was going to pick and then Emily saying on The After The Rose Show that she is not going to marry Brad comes yet another shocking revelation.

Emily, who is now being described as "The Barbie Doll From Hell" said on the After 'The After The Rose Show' Show that she is not going to be moving to Austin to be with Bradley simply because she feels that she just doesn't have the intimate, erotic, sensuous feelings that she should be feeling.

When asked why by the shows host Chris Harrison, Emily half smiled and replied "Chris I guess it's just because it's just a feeling that I have deep down in the far reaches of my nether region that tells me that I don't have the feelings that I should be feeling. Does that make sense Chris?"

"Hell no it doesn't make sense!" Chris yelled out. "Look her girl. ABC spent millions of dollars flying you, Chantal, Brad and Brad's family over to beautiful Cape Town, South Africa and we rented the most exotic locations in the entire continent of Africa and now you have the egotistical gall to sit there in a dress that obviously looks like you yourself sewed and go on about how poor little Emmie doesn't know what the eff she wants because of her messed up friggin feelings?"

Emily started crying. Brad "The Crybaby" Womack started crying and 29 women and one guy in the audience started crying.

Harrison leaned over towards Emily and said that he did not cry because he learned 14 seasons ago that every single girl who has been chosen suddenly turns into a demanding diva who wants to move here or live there, and who says that "The Bachelor" better buy her all kinds of expensive rings, necklaces, earrings, and bracelets.

Brad grabbed Emmie's hand and told her that he loved her with all his heart, his soul, his mind, and all of the other parts that she has already sampled first hand on several occasions.

Emily looked over his head and said, "I know. Thank you Mr. Womack."

"Mr. Womack?" Brad hollered out surprised as the dickens.

Just then the host chimed in and asked, "Emily tell us all right now, just what exactly is on your mind? I mean girl, what in the world do you want?"

Emily flashed a set of pearly white teeth that would make the Osmond family proud. She reached over towards Harrison. She took his hand, looked into his eyes, and replied, "Chris, I want you. I have never said anything about it - but you and only you are the one that I want. You are so kind, so caring, so considerate, and I love how you used to secretly pat me on my bottom when no one was looking."

A red-faced Harrison moved his hand away from Emily's, looked into the camera and said, "Ahhh, and we'll be right back after these few commercials."

When they returned from the commercials, Brad was gone. Emily was gone. And the ring was sitting on the table. Harrison apologized for the way things had gotten out of hand.

He then remarked that during the commercial Emily had asked him to divorce his wife of 17 years, Gwen, marry her and run off to her home state of North Carolina.

He rejected her with every fiber in his body. Emily became very upset and security immediately stepped in and asked her to please leave the building in an orderly, civilized manner.

And so season number 15 of the best looking and most fickle show on television "The Bachelor" has finally come to a surprising end.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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