Zellweger says, "It was all a big joke!"

Funny story written by Dorry McGuire

Friday, 16 September 2005

image for Zellweger says, "It was all a big joke!"
YOU HAD ME FROM HELLO, I THINK -Renee Zellweger has publicly admitted that her 4 month marriage to heartthrob Kenny Chesney was a phony backfire.

Celebrity marriages, they never last, do they? Apparently by now you all have heard about the Zellweger/Chesney annulment. Us here at The Spoof have just found out from Renee herself that the wedding was a scheme to get back at her exboyfriend, rocker Jack White.
"The rumors are true," Said Zellweger, 36, who eloped with the star in the islands on May 9th, "Kenny has yet to believe it, but I was never in love with him. It was merely a backfire plan to teach my loser ex a good lesson, and by Shark Slayin' I hope it did!" Renee said as she nearly exploded in anger.
On the other hand, our interviewers had to approach to an extremely tearful Chesney with extra caution, "I just can't believe it!" said the distraught country star, "I have nothing now, I have nobody! To hear those words out of her mouth, that she never loved me, it was hard enough not to propose to her, how could she hurt me like this?"
We at The Spoof were nearly shocked speechless at the sight of Kenny in such depression, but he did respond quite well to our asking about the rumors of his crush on one of our writers, Dorry McGuire, "By golly, yes, but I would never settle down with that woman, she is too much like ol' Zallywagger." Chesney said.
Renee reacted very surprisingly to the crush news, "I knew that guy had a crush on that crazy woman, even when we met, gee whizzakers, man, this guy's a player, whether you girls wanna believe it or not!"
When asked who she wanted to start a relationship with now that she is available, her answer was, "Believe it or not, I've always been crushing on that guy Bo Bice from American Idol, but then he got married after me, so I kind of just forgot about him, so I'm thinking maybe I'll try to score some points with Simon Cowell, since he and I are more alike, personality wise, that is if I can destroy that crankpot Roseanne first!"
Kenny responded very differently, to our surprise, he said, "Well, I'm a little shaky about dating now, but if I can find her sometime, I'm thinking seriously about starting a relationship with that girl from the Make A Wish foundation I met about 2 years ago, not a day has gone by since that very day that I don't think about her," Kenny says, "In fact, in a card she gave me that day, she wrote something like, "Forever my soulmate" and I've kept it ever since. When Renee saw it, that was when the fights really started between us. As upset as I am about Renee right now, I know deep in my heart I belong with my Make A Wish friend."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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