Written by Stefano M. Stefano

Friday, 31 December 2010

Hot on the heels of U.S. President Obama's historic repealing of the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' bill regarding gays in the military, Obama has wasted little time in repealing a second, less-known similar bill.

This one originated in Hollywood, but soon spread world-wide to countries as far off as Madagascar, and towns as remote as Thermopolis, Wyoming.

I'm taling about the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell If You Prefer Jolie Over Aniston' bill. For years since actor Brad Pitt divorced his 'actress' wife, Jennifer Aniston, in 2005 for super-sexy screen siren, Angelina Jolie, the world seems to have been broken into two camps. Those that see nothing wrong with Pitt getting the best sex of his life from the large-lipped Jolie, and those that see the woman-that's-alot-hotter-than-them people who take Aniston's side.

There was public ridicule from both camps, outrage, and smarmy remarks like, 'Jennifer just needs Jolie/Lara Croft-sized bazoombas to win Brad back!', 'Who cares if Jennifer Aniston can't act, and she looks exactly the same in all of her movies, and she's really just playing Rachel from 'Friends' because she doesn't know any better? The poor thing is divorced from one of Hollywood's hottest dudes!', or 'Why do9esn't Aniston just stop sulking, stop being a chain-smoking whiner and settle down with somebody like professional Brad Pitt impersonator, Harld K. Whimplebooger, if she's that shallow and into looks?'.

However, such comments were usually held in check, or whispered over water coolers and multi-million dollar movie deals for Jolie, but no more. With it's repeal, the bill allows celebrities to come out of the closet and state their mind, such as when Rupert Everett asked the question everyone was asking themselves since the Big Divorce in 2005-- why is Aniston a quote Big Star, unquote, when her movies tend to bomb and she plays the same character (I'm talking about you Rachel from 'Friends'), or Optometrist Martin Glick of Connecticutt who's concerned about Aniston's squinty, beady eyes, suggesting she should wear corrective lenses or bifocals, considering her age...or as a result of squinting through high-powered binoculars as she spied on Pitt and Jolie instead of moving on.

So go out, party, enjoy yourselves, and feel the sweet, sweet freedom of openly announcing,

"We're here, Jolie'a a dear, and she's not going away!" to the World at large.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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