The stand-in manager of the greatest girl band ever, The Bonkettes, today called an impromptu press conference at a leading London hotel, in order to confirm that talks regarding the Bonkettes headlining a prestigeous Christmas Eve gig at The Oasis Bar And Grill are at an advanced stage, and that he is confident the gig will take place.
"It's just a question of dotting the 'i's and crossing the 't's," Gay Larry said. "We're within a lobbed rope's distance of clinching the deal. Ooh! Look at the muck in here!"
OB&G Entertainments manager PM Wortham hinted that he was more than happy to have The Bonkettes play the venue, as he considers them a much more credible attraction than Matt Cardle, or Olly Murs off the X-Factor.
OB&G's Michelin starred chef, aptly named Masterchev said that he was excited at the prospect of rock and roll royalty such as The Bonkettes playing at the club, and stated that he is already working on a special menu to mark the occasion.
"This is better than 'avin the Beatles yer isnit boyo," the jubilant young chef from Fryittisnitboyo in North Wales told SEN. "I wanna pay them a fittin' tribute bach, and I was thinkin' on the lines of tongue, and King's Cross Chicken - which essentially is a bird roasted with its legs pinned open. I can't wait me!"
The deal is expected to be struck within the next couple of hours, but stand-in manager Gay Larry did warn:
"We're close - really close to a deal. But I'm not counting me chickens yet because I don't doubt that Everard and Back Entry Brenda will want a say. I won't let them spoil this for the girls though. Ooh! What a gay day! Send me a sailor! I've come over all nautical!"
The Bonkettes could only be reached via a brief satellite call to Goa, where they are currently on extended vacation. Lead singer BJ Swallow told us:
"Yeah, we'll be there. Providing it ain't all snowing and freezing cold and shit. We like the OB&G - there used to be this kinda cute looking guy always sat at Table 5 with his back to the wall looking for mice, and a crazy woman in a crown, who used to jump up and down saying what an arse mess everything was. Yeah, should be good!"
"Shut that door! There's a terrible draught in here!" Gay Larry announced as he wrapped up the press conference.
So it looks like it's 'game on' for the OB&G Christmas Eve mega gig - with tongue and King's Cross Chicken.
More as we get it.
