X-Factor - Katie Waissel Sing Off Meltdown Explained

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Monday, 8 November 2010

image for X-Factor - Katie Waissel Sing Off Meltdown Explained
It's About Time They Cleaned Up Their Act

The X-Factor, Sunday evening. The vote off. Cue intensity and high drama. Cue also what has since been described as the biggest fix since the Zimbabwean general election.

Incredibly (although not to Skoob Entertainment News - we said this would happen days ago) Wagner Carillho and Aiden Grimshaw went through to next week's live show, despite an underabundance of observable talent, and Katie Waissel and Treyc Cohen were left to slug it out in the sing off.

Katie went first, singing 'Please Don't Give Up On Me.' She dropped the ball, fluffed her lines, suffered a meltdown, said "Oh sod it!" and plonked herself on the stage on her arse.

To all intents and purposes it appeared that the girl had cracked up, snapped, lost the plot, thrown a wobbler, snapped like an overstressed rubber band. She ended her set slumped on the stage, defeated, spent, a sad crumpled, bent and tormented shadow of her former self.

The only thing missing was her luggage. It would have been a nice touch if some unseen stage hand had tossed her cases into shot.

Then came Treyc, who delivered a capable rendition of Mary J Blige's 'Unbreak My Heart.'

Most observers felt that Treyc had done enough to win.

Then came the controversy - Judge Cheryl Cole refused to vote between her two proteges until the other judges had cast their votes. She said that she'd vote last and take it to deadlock if necessary. A total cop out. Simon and Louis opted to send Treyc home, whilst Dannii elected to send Katie home, and that was it. Cheryl, having effectively 'spoiled' her ballot paper was unable to take it to deadlock and the public vote.

So Katie stayed and Treyc was left to pack her bags.

Apparently, these are the rules.

Rules which don't ever appear to have been made public, and which only Dermot O'Leary and Simon Cowell appear to be aware of.

Prompting a raft of FiX-Factor headlines in the red tops.

So why did Katie Waissel suffer that humiliating public meltdown? We asked Skoob Entertainment News supremo, Buffty Ginslinger. Speaking from a couch in a squat in Stockwell, where he somehow ended up in the early hours with some Australian backpackers, he told us:

"Of course it was a bloody fix, but I do sympathise with Katie. It looks like she's been slated to do really well in the 'contest.' But because her performances have let her down - yet she's still scraped through somehow - the public realise that the whole show is rigged, and they've turned on Katie. They've come to despise her. She must be aware of the resentment, and when she flopped down on that stage, she'd probably shit a brick or something. She probably thought that even the judges would turn on her too. But they stuck by her - she was probably as surprised as everybody else about that - because rumour has it that Simon has plans for Katie. Anyway, enough of this tosh and nonsense. The White Swan's open. Must rush. Things to do. Toodle pip."

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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