"Star Wars," "Legally Blonde" Fans Line Up For Premiers

Funny story written by fishnluers

Saturday, 30 April 2005

image for "Star Wars," "Legally Blonde" Fans Line Up For Premiers
Lucas: Big "Blonde" fan

HOLLYWOOD - Fans of the popular series of movies "Star Wars" and "Legally Blonde" have begun lining up in front of theaters for the much-anticipated next installment of the respected films. Fans of "Star Wars" have been waiting in line for weeks in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood for the May 19th release of "Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith"; however, the film is not scheduled for showing at that theater. "We're really crossing our fingers for a showing at Grauman's," states Kyle Farnsworth, avid "Star Wars" fan, who has been camped out in front of the theater since April 21st. "I would absolutely hunt down George Lucas and chop his nuts off with a lightsaber if I slept out here for 3 months and it didn't show."

A smaller, yet no less avid group of fans has also begun lining up in front of the Multiplex 6 Cinema in Santa Barbara, CA. These are the somewhat hysterical fans of the vastly popular "Legally Blonde" series, starring Reese Witherspoon. Although filming has yet to begin for "Legally Blond 3," and MGM has yet to announce if the third installment is even in the works, a group of 30 or so "Blonde" fanatics are cautiously optimistic. "They, like, have to make "Legally Blonde 3," Duh!" states Bridget McGonagall, who has been camped out since April 19th. "My sister-in-law's cousin's best friend's girlfriend totally saw Reese Witherspoon at Starbucks, and she said Reese is like totally going to make "LB3."

FOX, the studio releasing the "Star Wars" installment, reportedly plans to open the film at the ArcLight theater, less than a mile away from Grauman's, where as of today no one was waiting in line. Fans apparently don't believe the reports, as Grauman's is a famous theater for premiers and the previous two prequels showed there. MGM, backer of the "Blonde" installments, released a statement after repeated phone calls. "Tell them to get out of line," states an anonymous MGM spokesman, "We're not making the third picture. The first two weren't all that successful in the first place. And Reese Witherspoon has told us that she feels lucky that those sub-par films didn't ruin her blossoming career. They should be called "Legally Insane" for standing in line for a film that isn't going to be made."

That news isn't deterring hardcore "Blonde" fans. "We've got, like 20 people standing in line here!" says Frieda Jakes, hardcore Reese Witherspoon fan. "They can't ignore those numbers."

Whether you're interested in California blondes with couture clothes, or Darth Vader's emergence in "Episode III," outside these select theaters in the place to be for fans.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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