Things took a turn for the worse Wednesday night as the entire studio audience of the Colbert Report began throwing eggs and rotten tomatoes at Stephen Colbert and his guest, Arianna Huffington. One lone fan who later told us that he gets it that Colbert is just acting the part of a Republican and his whole show is based on satire, said that as soon as Huffington was announced to hit the stage, the crowd turned ugly.
"I was sitting there and could smell something in the air, literally and figuratively," said Conner Boehner. "I began to fear for my life." Boehner said the crowd went from an amiable, carefree group to an angry mob right after the second commercial break, when the teleprompter flashed 'Stephen is a Progressive-This is Not a Joke' above their heads. Most were in shock, but realized that the free gift each had placed under their seats was actually crates filled with rotten eggs and tomatoes. The crowd was prompted to start lobbing the offensive foodstuffs toward the stage.
Curiously, it took quite a long time for the stage manager to give the 'cut to commercial' signal, catching on film most of the melee. As Colbert and Huffington dove under the table they were seated at and tried to shield themselves and each other, crew members rushed the stage and helped them exit, all the while being pelted with the noxious groceries.
According to the results of a preliminary investigation into who staged the sabotage of The Colbert Report, it was not a prank by the folks at The Daily Show as first expected. Instead, the elaborate hijacking of the show was the handiwork of the stage manager, Harold Urnutts, who, up until now, had held himself out to be a progressive. "I understand that Harry just snapped," said Colbert after learning about the scheme. "Having Arianna Huffington on the show and my giving her the time of day just finally was enough to take Harry right over the edge."
Colbert says he has no hard feelings toward Urnutts. "It could have been a lot worse. You know those right wingers. They all own guns. Harry chose his weapons carefully. Rotten food is a helluva lot safer than bullets. I'd say I owe my life to his discretion. Maybe there's hope out there after all."