Dancing With The Stars Announces The New Season's Amazing Line Up Of Stars

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

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Bruno Tonioli's pet cat, Pussy Pout. (Photo courtesy of Elton John).

HOLLYWOOD - The producers of one of the most successful reality shows on television Dancing With The Stars have just announced the names of the stars that will be appearing on the new season of DWTS.

The shows producers Bernadette Penderlicki and Curtis Verflippet said that this years group is perhaps the most famous of any of the stars which have appeared on the previous ten years.

David Hasselhoff, who last year was one of the judges on America's Got Talent is probably the most recognizable. The Hoff has promised the producers as well as the shows main host Tom Bergeron and judges Len Goodman, Bruno Tonioli, and Carrie Ann Inaba that he will try his darnedest to stay sober.

Hasselhoff has recently appeared all over the Internet in various stages of intoxication arguing with his daughters, talking disrespectfully to a hamburger, and force feeding a dog goldfish food.

Florence Henderson, of the Brady Bunch, will also be a contestant. Henderson who is 76, almost did not get to appear on the show when it was learned that she wanted to employ the use of her walker.

Penderlicki talked to her and convinced her to leave the walker at home.

The male singer slot is being filled by Michael Bolton, the man who sounds like a cross between Joe Cocker and Cher. His main hits include "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You If You're Still Effen Here," "Can I Touch You...There? Or There? Or Hey How About There?" and "You Know I Found Someone Who Found My You-Know-What And Guess What? I'm Outta Here!"

And the Jersey Shores Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino will also be a contestant but he has been asked to leave his tanning oil, his stiletto knife, and his pizzas in Jersey.

The gorgeously stunning Audrina Patridge of the reality show The Hills will certainly be strutting her pair of fine-looking hills out on the dance floor.

And the token non-white singer will be 31-year-old Brandy who now goes by various names including, Tequila, Seven & Seven, and sometimes Margarita.

The round ball world will be represented by Rick Fox, former Los Angeles Laker, former husband of Vanessa Williams, and former guy who it looked like was going to have a heck of a future in the motion picture world but it all went in the dumpster.

And the political world will be showcased by none other than the ex-future Mrs. Levi Johnston, and Sarah "Tina Fey in 2012" Palin's unmarried daughter with a child and no husband Bristol Palin.

When Bristol was asked what she thought about being on Dancing With The Stars, she replied that she was as thrilled as her mama was the first time she snuck up on an unsuspecting reindeer and blasted it all to hell.

Sarah Palin was asked what she thought about her little girl appearing before millions of people every week. The elder Palin replied, "Well, ya know, it can't hurt. The way I see it my sweet little polar bear cub will help mommy get lots and lots of votes to help her ass get elected in 2012 you betcha!"

The NFL will be represented by Kurt Warner? No not the Warner that invented The Pop Warner Football for young boys, the Mr. Warner who quarterbacked for the St. Louis Rams, the Arizona Cardinals, the Iowa Barnstormers, and the Amsterdam Admirals.

From the world of ha-ha's comes this years stand up comedian Margaret "Ah" Cho. Sorry but we could not find anything about "Ah" Cho anywhere on the Internet. It is almost as if she is a secret Oriental Taliban operative.

And the token Disney Channel contestant for this year is Kyle Massey, yes, the very quiet, low-key Kyle Massey. Hmmmmm.

And once again, as in years past, the producers of DWTS have felt that they need to give someone a tremendously unfair advantage. So this year's contestant with the tons and tons of dance experience is Jennifer Grey, the professional dancer who starred in dozens of dancing movies including Dirty Dancing, Dirty Dancing 2, Dirty Dancing Again 3, Damn Dirty Dancing 4, and Filthy, Stinking, Dirty Dancing 6.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The producers of the Dirty Dancing series messed up and did not notice that they had somehow managed to overlook number 5 in the Dirty Dancing series.]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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