Have a nice week, Hilary? - Everyone knew that pop star embarrassment Hilary Duff ruined the career of Edmonton Oilers Center Mike Comrie after accepting a million-dollar engagement ring from him; until this weekend, however, we didn't know how.
Fresh off of their honeymoon, Mr and Mrs. Duff attended the Creative Emmy Awards the other night. (Don't worry: Of course she wasn't nominated for anything.), Hilary was sporting sone gnarly bruising on her knees.
That Cupid's toothpaste is the funniest f--king synonym for ejaculate I've ever heard? HA!
"One can safely assume that Hilary did not get these bruises from cooking, cleaning, taking acting lessons, or writing a passable pop song," said stretched-tight second generation TV whore Melissa Rivers, who had nothing better to do. "The only thing left is that she was praying to the purple-headed bishop."
The salient question then is: Could Hilary Duff actually deplete her husband's limited hockey talents with her mouth?
"It is clear that Succubi exist, and there are many of them in Hollywood," said Dr. Frank Ryan, a plastic surgeon who turned model Janice Dickinson's face into what looks like a placenta before his Jeep leapt to its death, carrying him along. "Did Harrison Ford look like Chet Huntley before marrying that skinny chick? I can cite a thousand examples.
"One mouthful of Cupid's toothpaste was enough for Hilary Duff to turn a mediocre athletic talent into the lumbering, ice-skating water buffalo he is today."
