ITV has been forced to admit that its flagship programme the X Factor has secretly helped some contestants and hindered others, with the use of "playback singers".
The channel said, in a press release, that "If Simon Cowell liked a contestant, he would arrange for a playback singer to sing that person's song entry for them. The playback singer would be a professional singer with an excellent voice. If Simon didn't like the contestant, he would record a pig grunting and use that instead."
This would explain why many talented X Factor contestants were sent home disappointed. Unknown to them, when they were performing, the panel and the audience did not hear them but some grunting porker. It was revealed that female panel member Danii Minogue expressed concern at the cheating policy but was outvoted by Cowell and co-panel member Sharon Osbourne, who threatened to replace Minogue's voice with that of a pig if she didn't play ball. Osbourne then left the show 2 years ago to find and record some new pig noises since audiences were beginning to get suspicious when so many acts sounded the same. Minogue herself left on maternity leave but is due back soon.
Osbourne also criticised Minogue for her nice manners and good looks, saying "I may be a cheap scrubber, but at least I'm married to someone famous." Minogue, in perfect ladylike manner, said, "I bear no ill-will to Sharon. I think she's marvellous, for someone of her age."