At a press conference yesterday, actor Robert Pattinson stated that he had apologized to his friend and co-star, Taylor Lautner.
"We got to be friends while doing the Twilight movies and it was my fault, being jealous over Kristen, that I said things I now regret. Taylor told me he understood that he wasn't upset and to forget it."
"Is there any truth to the Patel-Stewart rumor? They have been seen and photographed going to a restaurant and a movie together."
Pattinson stated that he hadn't heard anything from Kristen and he had no comments about Patel. "If you're trying to get me to attack Patel, you're not going to succeed. He is a fine actor and that's all I know."
"Do you ever wonder about being related to this original Dracula, Vlad the Impaler?"
"I am very curious. But the more you look into it, he looks completely insane from what I've read."
"But Vlad the Impaler had..."
"Excuse me for interrupting", stated Lautner. "But I'm thankful that Pattinson and I are friends again. I happened to see Patel impaled this morning on the way over here. It's not a pretty sight. Worse than when I tear someone's throat out."
"Sorry, we both have commitments today. We gotta run..or I do", concluded Taylor and Pattinson left with him.
This is Tooter Day reporting. I'm off to see that impaling of Patel.