Dynamite by Taio Cruz Covered by the Fresh Beats Band

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Monday, 2 August 2010

image for Dynamite by Taio Cruz Covered by the Fresh Beats Band

Often, marginal pop songs are rerecorded (or 'covered', as the cool kids call it) by up-and-coming bands, in an attempt to squirt a bit of limelight onto their own careers.

And, every once in a while, a cover song comes along that is transcendant --William Hung's powerful take on "She Bangs", or Bill Cosby's "Sgt. Peppers" cover from 1970, for instance-- and moves you to the depths of your very soul.

Nick Jr's The Fresh Beats Band's cover of Taio Cruz's "Dynamite" is just such a record.

Recorded over three days in Anton Lavey's castle in the UK, Marina, Wayne Brady, Twist and Ugly Ginger belt out the hit song by Taio Cruz, a British singer who most recently provided the singing voice for the character "Andrew Garcia" during Season 7 of American Idol.

"Frankly," said Cruz, after hearing The Freshbeats' version of the song that bought him a villa in the South of France, "the song is unduly long, boring, and pretentious. It generally makes we want to shove a soldering iron into my ears whenever it comes on the radio. But, f--k, it is making me rich!!"

The Freshbeats, who host Nickelodeon's "The Fresh Beat Band," are four upbeat, kid-friendly characters who dress in the same kid-friendly stupid uniform, and sing vapid, supposedly kid-friendly songs that, in reality, would insult the intelligence of a bag of potato chips.

During each episode the Fresh Beats solve a preschool-level problem, like what to do if you lose one of your shoes, or what to do with the enemy combatants held in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The Freshbeats follow a simple plan of attack for each episode:

1.) Each episode is kicked off with a song relating to the problem they will solve.

2.) When a problem arises, The Fresh Beat Band sings a song about how to fix it.

3.) When the problem is solved they perform a big number, with the problem and solution incorporated into the lyrics.

4.) Once that song is over, the entire cast devolve into a Caligula-like orgiastic coming-together of humping loins, leaving behind a rainbow-colored froth of reproductive juices.

Tomorrow: William Shatner Covers The Stones' "C-cksucker Blues."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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