Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 30 July 2010

image for Ellen DeGeneres Has Been Fired As American Idol Judge
Ellen is grateful to Ryan Seacrest for her wife Portia De Rossi a guitar that he had been given by Sir Paul McCartney.

HOLLYWOOD - Well the American Idol - Ellen DeGeneres 'honeymoon' did not last long. AI producers Simon Shindlebocker and Simon Witleywine have said that they have fired judge Ellen DeGeneres.

Shindlebocker said that sad to say the fit was not a perfect fit (no pun intended). He said that Ellen proved to be more of a big sister than a critical judge.

He noted that during the entire season she only said one harsh thing to one of the singing contestants. She told the black singer Mike "The Big Fat Bro" Lynche that he needed to reduce his barbecued ribs intake from 18 ribs a day down to maybe 15 or 16.

Judge Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson said that he could sense that Ellen was very uncomfortable. He said that many times she would say to him that she hated to cut down a certain contestant because it made her feel bad.

Randy said that he told her many times that he felt the same way and that is why he developed his hackneyed cliche of always saying, "Ah, man that was just a little pitchy for me dawg."

Jackson told her that it was better than having to say, 'Dammit (sista or bro) that rendition was absolutely horrible. Goodness gracious can you not hear yourself on the friggin monitor or what? Sheesh. A homeless old woman standing on the street in her underwear with a sore throat could sing better than that."

Ellen told Randy that she appreciated his street advice and told him that she was just a nice, sweet, kind, caring, compassionate lesbianite from the rich section of New Orleans.

Kara DioGuardi said that she knew Ellen would not last. She noted that she could tell from the very beginning that Ellen was jealous of the way Simon (Cowell) would eye her (Kara) all up and down with the look of lustful lust emanating from every pore of his body, not to mention his taco tickler.

DioGuardi also sensed that Ellen wanted to show Simon that just because she was a lesbianite did not mean that she would not have liked to have had him play with her joybox underneath the table during the commercials like he did with hers (Kara's).

SIDENOTE: When Simon was asked to comment on Ellen's leaving the show he got a puzzled look on his face and said, "Ellen is leaving the show? You mean Ellen was ON the show?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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