Lindsay; Not the Only Lohan in Hot Water

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 22 July 2010

image for Lindsay; Not the Only Lohan in Hot Water
Get ready for some jail time, super dad.

While self proclaimed father of the year, moral guidepost and empathetic (or pathetic) patriarch of the Lohan family rushed to his daughter's side in court, creating a tear filled, emotional scene that drew attention to himself, Michael Lohan may have been simply avoiding arrest back in coastal New York.

Michael Lohan's current fiancée, who was Jon Gosselin's former girlfriend, after dumping Kate plus Eight that is, has reportedly filed a report with the Southampton Police department with claims that Michael shoved her and kicked her in the face. No, you just can't make this stuff up.

Admitting only that there was an argument with his fiancée, Kate Major, before flying out to Los Angeles, Lohan says that it was a simple disagreement about logistics on the upcoming set of their new reality series, "Celebrity House". Two things pop into this reporter's mind with that admission. First, that Jon Gosselin would be interested in dating anyone with the same name as his former wife, and second, when did Michael Lohan become a celebrity?

Insiders to the Michael Lohan camp, which include mostly reporters from TMZ, The Star and the National Enquirer, tell reporters that there are probably two sides to the alleged domestic abuse story, but that both will mean dollar signs at the news stand.

"That whole family is a train wreck just waiting to happen", says cub reporter Mitch Album for the Enquirer. "Actually, it's more like a train that keeps crashing. I make my living just by following them around. The mother/daughter combination at nightclubs? Gold. Michael still trying to convince the world that he is a good father? Platinum."

In a related story, some inmates already inside the New York penal system anxiously await Michael's arrival. "He's got a cute ass", said one 450 pound man named "Sledge".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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