A leading international satirist, known by the nom de plume Jagged One, who resides under a bridge in Old Amsterdam has today controversially slammed the whole celebrity culture trend by stating publicly that SuBo, Jordan and Paris Hilton are a waste of time. And brain cells.
Jagged One, who recently spent a holiday hiding in a fridge somewhere in Germany, drinking beer and shivering a lot is renowned the world over for his hatred of shallow celebrity culture, and isn't afraid to say what he thinks.
Addressing a crowd of drunken and stoned Dutchmen, using a rolled up copy of the Daily Mail as a makeshift megaphone in sweltering 15 degree Amsterdam heat, he announced:
"Susan Boyle? What's all that about then? She's just a little Jockinese woman who can warble a bit. And throw the odd wobbler. And she likes cats. But that doesn't mean I have to have her rammed down me bleedin' throat every day!"
Jagged One's public rant was greeted with lukewarm applause from the assembled crowd of slackers. Then he started in on Jordan and Paris Hilton.
"What did they ever do?" he bellowed. "What's their contribution to society? I'll tell you what they've done - they've made sex tapes on the internet. Big deal. Whoopy bleedin' doo. And don't even get me started on that Floyd Patterson and Rod Stewart thing. Vanmpire movies? I've shit 'em! Cheryl Cole? Don't make me bleedin' laugh. Waste of time and brain cells, the lot of 'em."
As Dutch police officers closed in on Jagged One, fearing he might start a half-hearted riot, the situation was saved by the intervention of a tall enigmatic Frenchman. With his collar turned up. The Frenchman uttered a few private words to Jagged One. Apparently something to do with seagulls, sardines, and trawlers.
The pair were last seen entering a waterside bar.
Some tramp made off with the makeshift megaphone rolled up Daily Mail and is expected to put it up for sale on E-bay this evening.
More as we get it.
