The final episode of US TV drama Lost will be screened in the UK at 5am in a global simulcast designed to thwart piracy. However, our research shows that the producers have been somewhat optimistic with their ratings forecast, and that 99.76% of Brits don't give a flying fuck what time it's on because, in the words of one potential viewer: "It's a load of old bollocks anyway."
It appears that the move has caused great offence to the British TV viewing public, principally because of the producers' arrogance in assuming that tired Brits would want to drag their arses out of bed at four in the morning, in order to make tea and toast and watch a stupid programme about a bunch of idiot plane crash survivors marooned on an island where weird shit happens.
"If they think I'm getting up early on a Monday morning, just to watch that load of shite then they're fucking delusional," one Brit told us. "I'm staying in bed. And you can quote me on that."
Lost? You better believe it.
More as we get it.