Adam Lambert & Robert Pattinson Head Up Girlie Softball Team In Larry King "Cougar" Showdown Reality Show: Who's Got Balls!

Written by Morse

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

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Christie Alley Penciled in for Center & Left On Lambert/Pattinson Girlie Softball Team!

In a new Reality Show that will emphasize athletic ability over mental vapidness,TLC announced the first showdown between an All Star Cast of women's 'soft ball' contestants recruited from the Entertainment Industry.

Due to morbid interest in the recent Larry King Family Shagging Incident, Larry will be fielding a starting 9 of his 7 former wives, his current wife, and his current mistress, who happens to be his wife's sister.

The experienced team , nicknamed "The Cougars" have earned their moniker due to their dogged determination to scratch out a living on the ball field, been known to sacrifice, hit & run, commit the occasional 'double steal', and hit to opposite fields, even sinking to using the 'squeeze play' if it means 'scoring' or getting a big, new expensive car.

"It's all about winning, "said Larry's wife Shawn, "somethings in life are hard to swallow, but your'e better off just sucking it up instead of complaining about it...besides, the money's really good!"

The Lambert/Pattinson team still has a few positions to fill, and the lads have said they are working 'feverishly' on the lineup, as well as trying to resolve a more personal issue regarding 'who is going to hit behind who', although team bat boy and designated switch hitter Lindsay Lohan has been quoted as saying "WHO could possibly give a S*****! "

Lindsay did say later THAT comment was made in a moment of pique as she extricated herself from a recent encounter with a large cactus plant she had stumbled into whilst traveling over the speed limit on Mimosas.

Some players that could be named later, according to Lambert include Paris Hilton playing short, Jessica Simpson on 3rd if she agrees to put Band-Aids on her nipples under her uniform and loses some weight, , Posh Beckham as the 'splendid splinter' playing right field and wearing Ted William's number, Kerry Katona as a member of the field maintenance crew in charge of laying down the white lines, with strong consideration being given to Christie Alley playing both left and center field, not because of speed mind you, but the sheer breadth of her reach.

Along with the batting order, Lambert and Pattinson are also embroiled in who will be 'the pitcher' and who will be the 'catcher' in the contest.

In an effort to keep the match on track, King said he's willing to play "a double header' so the "boys can switch off and not get into a cat fight!"

According to ESPN proceeds from the game will go to a host of charities proposed by the competitors, including salaries donated by the play by play announcers Skoob & Erin Andrews who also said they will put on a dancing exhibition at half time featuring the "HighLand Fling" performed in authentic dress.

Said Skoob, "keep an eye on my bollocks cause I just love to dance, and the Sparks, they will be flying!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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