Angelina Jolie: Pregnant!

Written by IainB

Wednesday, 7 April 2010


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Snow Black

Rumours are rife around Hollywood at the moment about Angelina Jolie and yet another pregnancy.

On the set of her new movie, insiders have revealed that she was unavailable first thing because she was suffering from severe bouts of nausea, whilst she appeared weak and tired requiring to sit down frequently. Hollywood being Hollywood, she was quickly assigned a person to carry a chair around for her, who will appear in the credits at the end of the film as Jolie's seating assistant.

Jolie already has six other children, and with the recent success of the much darker remake of Alice in Wonderland, Hollywood moguls are planning to do a similar remake of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves using Jolie and her soon to be seven children.

Tim Burton has been drafted in to write the script, which should take a few months to pull together, but already he has ideas about which direction the film will take.

"It will be dark," he said. "Darker than Alice, darker than Nightmare. Obviously, Johnny Depp will be in the film, probably as the handsome prince, but maybe as Jack Sparrow, the Wicked Stepmother. Jolie will be playing Snow Black - that's how dark the film will be. While her seven kids will be playing the actors of diminished stature. I'd like to cast Angela Landsbury as the fairy godmother, but she has indicated that her hair will need washing around that time."

Hello magazine is in a bidding war with itself in order to secure rights to the pictures of the baby once it's born.

Jolie herself is unavailable for comment, as she is throwing up in the bathroom.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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