Derek Hough Reveals Three Intimate Secrets About Cheryl Cole

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 14 March 2010

image for Derek Hough Reveals Three Intimate Secrets About Cheryl Cole
A pair of the most expensive dancing shoes made in England, and which were a gift from Cheryl Cole to Derek Hough.

HOLLYWOOD - Derek Hough, one of the dancers on the reality show Dancing With The Stars, said that he thoroughly enjoyed Cheryl Cole's visit to the United States, especially when they were alone in her hotel room.

Hough said that the beautiful British singer was really reeling from her husband's infidelity, but she managed to keep a straight-laced face in public.

In private, Derek said that Cheryl let her emotions go. He said that he is the only person whom Cheryl confided in while she was in America.

And although she stayed a few days at Victoria Beckham's house she said that her and Vicki only talked about American cuisine, stimulus packages, Ann Coulter's skinny ass, the Toyota recalls, Jon Gosselin's 3-inch dinky dink, and the NFL World Champion New Orleans Saints.

Cole said that one night her and Derek went out to L.A.'s Comedy Casa in La Habra and heard the Cajun-Creole comedian Zydeco Dupree. Cheryl said that she truly liked him and that he was three times funnier than her fellow X-Factor judge Louis Walsh.

Dupree said that there were so many mosquitoes in Louisiana that the state decided to bring in professional mosquito trappers from the Amazon Jungle. He said that they managed to trap about four billion 'skeeters' as they call them down in the Louisiana bayous.

The 'skeeters' were loaded onto big 18-wheelers and driven up to Arkansas, where they were released under the cover of darkness. The next day the Arkansas newspapers were reporting that hundreds of Arkansas residents had discovered and sent in some darn good recipes for mosquito stew, mosquito burgers, and mosquito and dumplings.

Cole said that they hardly have any mosquitoes in London. She smiled and said that they do have dung beetles, and some are the size of squirrels.

Cheryl was asked about her relationship with Derek. She blushed and said that he is one of the nicest, smartest, most talented dancers she has ever known. She said that he also sings and that he sounds better than Justin Timberlake.

She then blushed when she said without meaning to that Derek's dip stick is much bigger than Ashley's dip stick.

When Derek was told of Cheryl's remark he blushed and said that Cheryl's husband Ashley has got to be one dumbass jerk to mess around on her.

Hough said that Cheryl had confided some intimate things in him, that he said no one, not even her punk husband knows.

When asked to reveal some of the things, Derek hesitated at first, but then he explained that he knows that Cheryl would not mind.

He said that for one thing Cheryl was born with two left feet. A team of podiatrists operated on her when she was four days old and fixed the problem.

Another secret that she revealed to him is that she was born with an inverted G-spot. He smiled and said that Cheryl did not worry about it much, until Ashley began making such a big deal about it. So she had it operated on last September.

And the third secret about Cheryl Cole that no one knows is that Simon Cowell and her were secretly engaged to be married, but Cowell broke off the engagement because Cheryl kept asking him to please buy something other than just black T-shirts. She was devastated and immediately landed in the arms of Ashley the Arse (Ass) Cole.

To see photos that were taken by a doctor of Cheryl's pre-surgery and post-surgery G-spot you can log on to

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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