Percival and Buck Pissgums, a pair of cojoined (or co-joined) twins in the Royal Navy have turned down the opportunity to have a sexual liason with singing sensation Susan Boyle. "It's not that we're gay, like most sailors," said Percival. "It's that even we have our standards."
SuBo fans had approached the sailors in the dark, thinking that it was actually two men. "They wanted to pay us to have sex with their hero, so that she could finally get laid," said Buck. "When they first mentioned to us that we could be part of a SuBo sandwich, we thought that they were offering us something to eat, and we said yes because we were really tired of the ship's mess."
Percival added that "the food on the Buggerall isn't very good, and there's a lot of mystery meat. The thought of eating something else sounded good at first, but after seeing her picture, even we wouldn't eat that."
"I'll admit that most sailors would screw a knot hole in a fine board, but I think that this one might bark at us," said Buck. "Staying faithful to our wives isn't at all an issue here, since Mary and Terry know that most sailors will have a girl in every port. We refuse to have a horse in port."
"That's right," agreed Percival. "We have our standards."
Susan Boyle fans have now turned a new direction to find a partner for their SuBo. Said one fan club president, "Maybe Bargis Tryhol is available?"