Michael Lynche thought that he had it made. He'd passed his audition on American Idol last fall, and then made it through Hollywood week (filmed earlier this month, but not to be broadcast until February). Now, he's been kicked off the show and will be staying home this spring and watching the show on television (wiht the rest of us).
His sin? Breaking the law? No. Insulting Paula Abdul's drinking or Simon Cowell's wardrobe? No. Incorrectly pronouncing Kara's last name? No. Making muff muncher jokes about new judge Ellen Degeneres? No. An unknown criminal past? No. Saying that Ryan Seacreast acted like a pussy? No (but true). Not understanding the rantings of Randy Jackson? No. Naked photos on the internet? No.
Michael's father told a friend at a Florida newspaper that his son had made the top twenty-four.
This was a violation of rules and contracts and he will not be appearing on the show. Edits are quickly underway to remove any trace of his appearance on Hollywood Week and his memory has been blotted from the minds of the Fox judges.
When asked to comment about the ouster, Simon Cowell said "Michael who? Was he one of the ghastly, dreadful, karaoke performers that we heard?"
Ryan Seacrest responded to our questions by saying "I'm not gay. I'm really not. Chicks did me. I'm just into the metrosexual look. That wasn't me with Adam Lambert last week."
Kara, who's last name is harder to spell than it is to pronounce, was not contacted for comment...as no one really gives a shit what she has to say anyway.
Randy Jackson's comments were something along the lines of "yo, yo, yo dawg. Are you chillin'? You chillin'? You got your groove on and your thang going. You can sing the phone book, man...we got a hot one tonight!"
There was no translator available to render this into English.