LOS ANGELES - David Hasselhoff the former star of Baywatch and one of the three judges on the reality show America's Got Talent proudly boasted to his hairstylist, KiKiWiWi, that he actually went one whole week without getting drunk and making a fool of himself.
Hasselhoff, was recently told by the producers of AGT that he needs to get his act together or risk the possibility of being replaced quicker than Queen Latifah can say, "Hey, listen up y'all, I sho be gettin' fat."
The Hoff asked the producers who would replace him and they said that they had already talked to four individuals and that three said that they would accept the job in a Monrovia minute.
Hasselhoff who has had his problems with the bottle said that he is at the point where if they want to replace him to go ahead and replace him. He added that he is tired of Sharon Osbourne's flakiness anyway.
He said that no one knows it but while the contestants are performing Sharon is sitting there pretending that she is paying attention, but actually she is really just sitting there doodling.
He said that last year during one of the final shows she sat at the judges table and in the span of one hour, she drew approximately 950 smiley faces.
Hasselhoff said that another thing that no one knows about
Sharon except for him is that she always has a flask of whiskey, which she easily conceals in her bra.
He then added that he has also had it with Piers Morgan's blimey British accent. The Hoff also added that Morgan is always criticizing America.
Hasselhoff said, "I have no idea where he got the idea from, but he actually says that Queen Elizabeth II can out spell Michelle Obama.
Morgan also once said that the British performers are a lot better, brighter, whiter, and taller than their American counterparts."
The Hoff said that he made enough money from Baywatch and America's Got Talent to just drive down to Venice Beach and pick up some Hooter's girl and fly off and retire to a Mediterranean Island somewhere.
In a related story. Sharon Osbourne told Larry King that she doesn't want to say too much about it but Hasselhoff smells a lot like Milwaukee.
