Goldman Sachs and J.P. Morgan Roll Out New Investment Opportunites

Funny story written by Richard DagNabbit

Monday, 7 December 2009

image for Goldman Sachs and J.P. Morgan Roll Out New Investment Opportunites
One of the Goldman Sachs Bretheren

The ever trustworthy financial gurus at J.P. Morgan and Goldman Sachs are introducing a new investment vehicle for the working stiffs world wide. In this particular scheme you give them your money to "invest" and they take your money and secretly do something with it.

In return, the hopeful working stiff investor gets a document stating that returns could be as much as 30% but in order to continue insurance must be purchased from AIG. Once the required insurance is purchased the monthly maintenance fees kick in and these are taken from the potential returns through principal reduction.

Once the insurance is revealed as a fraud, the investment scheme is noted as unfortunately comprised of a mixing bowl of risky salami slices going sour, and the investor is notified of the down turn.

Bonuses are paid out at the investment firms and AIG. The firm's executives pay their country club bills and purchase yachts and third homes.

Next Scheme: See above using slightly different words.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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