David Hasselhoff Rushed To The Hospital (Again)

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 28 November 2009

image for David Hasselhoff Rushed To The Hospital (Again)
David Hasselhoff's favorite beach chair. It was a gift from the producers of "Baywatch."

MALIBU BEACH, California - David Hasselhoff, noted actor, singer, America's Got Talent judge, and heavy-ass drinker was once again taken to the hospital by ambulance.

The "Hoffs" maid Kumiko Takachini, 19, said that she was downstairs watching a Jackie Chan action-packed karate movie when she heard a thump upstairs.

She quickly grabbed the remote control and she hit the mute button. She listened for about three seconds and she heard a second thump. She put the remote down and dashed upstairs.

Kumiko, who speaks English about as good as Shakira does said that she found Mr. H, as she calls him, laying on the laminated floor, holding a hamburger in one hand and an empty Bud Light bottle in the other.

She checked for a pulse and she found one on his left middle finger. She said that she reached for his cell phone to call 911 but she could not remember the number. She said that she knew that it started with a 9 and ended with a 1, but in all the confusion she could not remember the middle number.

Mr. H. opened his eyes and she was able to ask him what the middle number of 911 was. He looked at her and replied in broken English, "You are friggin kiddin' me right. Kumi please tell me that you are friggin' kiddin' me."

Kumiko, being the devoted employee that she is said, "Okay Mr. H. I be kiddin' you I guess."

Hasselhoff passed out. Kumiko went into his bathroom and came back with a band-aid, a One-A-Day Multiple Vitamin, and the upstairs remote control.

Just then she remembered the middle number and she quickly dialed 911. The paramedics arrived within seven minutes.

Right away they asked her what his last name was. Kumiko replied that his last name was Hasserhoff. "Hasserhoff?" asked one of the paramedics.

"Jes." Kumiko replied. She then told them that since she is Japanese, her L's sound like R's.

"Oh Hasselhoff, Larry Hasselhoff."

And Kumiko replied that his name was not Rarry, she said his name was David.

The paramedics told her to go to the kitchen and bake something so that she could get out of their way because they did not have time to play the Japanese version of Jeopardy.

Kumiko left and went into the kitchen and baked some oatmeal cookies.

A hospital spokesperson said that David Hasselhoff will be okay. She added that he was suffering from a case of second-degree tonsillitis.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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