Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner Announce Break Up

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Wednesday, 30 December 2009


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Taylor Lautner wishes his ex needed one of these

Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner have announced that they have ended their relationship and are no longer a couple. The two recently won several polls on which new celebrity couple would be together the longest, but it was not to be.

When asked for his reasoning behind the break up, Taylor Lautner said that "she's just so damn tall that I was always looking her straight in the boobs. That wouldn't be so bad with most girls, but she's just so damn flat chested that I had nothing to stare at. Hell, I couldn't even motorboat in those...it was more like a rowboat!"

Taylor Swift, however, offered different reasons behind her breakup with the Twilight series star. "He kept trying to bite me. He kept acting like he was one of the werewolves or vampires in his Twilight movies. I have teeth marks all over my body. Hey, I like oral sex as much as the next girl, but he gave new meaning to eating me. It also really pissed me off when he kept calling me Bella during sex. If he's so in love with Kristen Stewart, he ought to go ahead and fight Robert Pattinson for her for real."

There is no truth to the rumors that Taylor Swift was seen with Kanye West.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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