OSAKA, Japan - Well it is official, NASCAR will be leaving Japan before it even had its first race.
A spokesperson for NASCAR Japan Takisiku Magoyama stated that the Japanese people were extremely excited about being able to see American cars traveling at speeds close to 200 miles per hour, but that will not be happening.
Magoyama stated that they found that of the 87 Japanese drivers that had signed up to be in the Japanese drivers pool, 86 could not reach the foot pedals.
Only Yoshiro Johnny Funaki, who is 5 foot 9, could reach them and that is because Funaki's mother is an American, Suzanne McDooley-Funaki who stands 6 foot 2.
So it appears that the fans who purchased the 135,000 tickets for the first race will all have their money refunded.
NASCAR Japan said that they had invested a lot of money not only in painting all of the cars in Japanese, but in purchasing the sushi dispensers, the ramen doohickeys, the tempura gadgets, the sukiyaki gizmo's, the popcorn machines, and the teriyaki thingamajigs.
A spokesperson for NASCAR Japan said that his organization has decided to donate the 200,000 "NASCAR Japan is Number 1 Foam Fingers" to the homeless people of downtown Osaka.
In an unrelated story. American comedian Grandma Lee has said that she is not a lesbian as some have implied. Grandma Lee said that the photos which appeared on YouTube showing her making out with Rosie O'Donnell were photoshopped.
