IDAHO FALLS, Idaho - Well now it seems that the Idaho chapter of the Ku Klux Klan is looking into allegations that Eldrick Tont Woods, aka Tiger Woods wantonly, willingly, and wimpishly disrespected at least twelve white women who all just happen to be of the Caucasian persuasion.
The Idaho Grand Wizard Dragon-in-Chief Cooter "Cooties" Cumberland is literally fit to be tied due to the smug, thug, bug-eyed negro golfer.
Cumberland told a reporter for The Idaho Falls Potato Chronicle that he wonders why we have not heard one dad gum peep out of Rev. Al "Amos" Sharpton, Rev. Jesse "Andy" Jackson, or Rev. Claudell "Sapphire" Montrose.
"Cooties" asked, "So where does dees so called negro leaders be's. And I doesn't means to say dat dey be so called negros, I means ta say dat dey be so called leaders iffin ya catches my driftwood."
Cumberland went on to say that it is high time that all of this crazy racial mix 'n' matchin' stop. He raised his voice a full octave and said, "Dis white/black, black/white interchanging bullshit is comin' to and end boys and girls.
The exalted leader of the Idaho Ku Klux Klan commented, "And I ain't just be talkin' about da three KKK members in Idaho, I be's talkin' about da hundreds of good, outstanding KKK good old boys down in Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and Tennessee plus the Carolina's, the one dat be's on da top and da one dat be's on da bottom I gets 'em mixed up now and then, mostly now."
Cumberland was asked what if all of a sudden his daughter came home and said that she had fallen in love with a Tiger Woods type.
"Cooties" face got as red as an Arkansas apple and he said, "My little Magnolia Belle would nebur does such a thing. But iffin she did, I would gets her skinny little cracker bottom and put her on a Greyhound bus and ship her down to Iowa, where dey ain't gots no black population. Dat be's eggzackary what I do."
Cumberland said that he will be meeting up with other KKK leaders from throughout America after the Christmas holidays and they will decide exactly how they want to go about meeting up with Mr. Tiger Woods.
In The Good News, Bad News Department: The good news is that socialite Paris Hilton has said that she will finally be dropping her worn-out personal cliche, "I'm hot." The bad news is that she has stated that she will be replacing it with her new personal cliche, "I'm sizzling."
