WHITE POWDER, Mississippi - The Ku Klux Klan's exalted Grand Wizard Dragon Nathan Bedford Bamboodle, 51, (Mississippi chapter) has told the biased media that the national KKK organization is in deep deer do-do due to the economic crisis.
Bamboodle is extremely upset that the president of the United States, whom he refers to as that suntanned feller, blatantly rejected his organization's request for a stimulus package.
Bamboodle, who was named after the founder of the KKK, Civil War cavalry General Nathan Bedford Forrest, said that he is pissed off that his good old boy fraternity was denied Federal money while other groups like the damn bankers, the damn auto industry, and even the damn dam builders have been showered with all kinds of governmental money.
N.B. added that most of the damn dam builders are temporary workers who reside in Uganda, Tanzania, and of course Kenya.
Bamboodle went on to say that every single member of the Mississippi chapter of the KKK was born in Mississippi with the one exception of Bubba "Bubba Bob" Clackhorn, who was born in Hawaii.
Clackhorn wants it known that he ain't no Hawaiian, or Samoan, or Polynesian type person. He says that the only reason he was born in Hawaii is because his mother, father, and great grandmother worked there as a seasonal pineapple pickers.
Bubba Bob also wants it known that he hates Hawaiian shirts, food, and music. He says he also cannot stand Hawaiian Punch and the old TV show Hawaii 5-O.
He did say however that he is fine with gettin' a good old-fashioned (blank) job from a good-looking, non-overweight Hawaiian hula dancer just as long as she has blue eyes.
Bamboodle has said that he and his Assistant Grand Wizard Dragon Takiyuki Okayama are drafting up a letter to send to the president asking that they demand that he present his birth certificate to Rush Limbaugh by noon, November 1, 2009, or they will ask that Nancy Pelosi remove him from office on November 2, 2009.
In the mean time, Bamboodle has said that for the first time in the 144 year history of the KKK they are having to accept black members due to the fact that otherwise they run the risk of having to file for bankruptcy.
When asked how many blacks have applied to join the KKK, Bamboodle said that so far three. And he said that after paying their yearly dues of $672 each, the KKK is happy to welcome the newest members to the KKK, black fellas Toby Crosscourt of Valdosta, Georgia; LeTron Picker of Birmingham, Alabama; and Foodell Pridebedder of Bangor, Maine.
The national Grand Wizard Dragon Coy "BubbaBoy" Helfenberger said that a lot of his long time members were against the KKK accepting black members.
But once he and national Assistant Grand Wizard Dragon Billy Bobby Bob Buckles explained to them that without new members and their $672 yearly membership fees the KKK was in danger of just disappearing altogether like Montgomery Ward, the Ford Edsel, and that atheist hag Madalyn Murray O'Hair.
And like the big boy "BubbaBoy" Helfenberger pointed out, "Hell guys, with the hoods on, there ain't no one gonna be able to tell that the black guys is black guys so chill out my fellow redneck, cracker honkies. Just saying."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: You may have been surprised to read that a Japanese man is the assistant grand wizard dragon of the Mississippi KKK chapter. I know that I certainly was. So I called up Mississippi's Grand Wizard Dragon Nathan Bedford Bamboodle up and inquired about Mr. Okayama. I was told, in strictest confidence, that Takiyuki Okayama is the fictitious name of Otis "Bubba" Crackenputt, who resides in Biloxi, Mississippi, and who is in the National Witness Protection Program.]
