LONDON - In the biggest surprise of the X-Factor season, Danyl Johnson, the singer who many thought was going to be the shows eventual winner has been eliminated.
When the announcement was made you could see that Danyl did not believe what he was hearing. He certainly thought that the words came out wrong. But they came out right.
Olly stays, Danyl goes. And the openly bisexual teacher from Kent whispered to Simon Cowell that the phone voters got it wrong.
Olly heard him and he yelled out at Danyl to stop acting like Elton John and accept defeat like a man, or at least like a male anyway.
Dannii Minogue's tear faucet opened up and the teardrops were flowing like the Thames River. It seemed like her and Cheryl Cole had gotten together to see who could wear the shortest dress.
Dannii wore a gray off-the-shoulder minidress from the Louis Francois Bouffant Collection of Bristol.
Meanwhile Cheryl who openly plugged her upcoming 2010 Nude Calendar entitled, "Cheryl Coles 12 Titillating Views" wore a black minidress with padded shoulders that made her look like she had accidentally taken a bottle of steroids by mistake.
Cole was approached by the shows host Dermot O'Leary and she began crying. He asked her why she was crying so much and told her that Danyl will be fine.
Cheryl hit him on the side of the head and answered "Hey pudding face, I'm not crying for that bi-guy Danyl, I'm crying cause I miss my friggin hair extensions okay?"
The evenings entertainment was provided by Lady GaGa and Janet Jackson. Lady GaGa won the battle of the two singers because she actually sang live. Janet Jackson chose to lip sync ala The Britney Spears-Jennifer Lopez-Ashlee Simpson School of Lip Syncers.
Lady Ga, for short, came out dressed in an outfit that looked like she had been rear-ended by a crazed golden dragon. She then proceeded to jump into a gigantic bathtub that can accommodate 18 regular sized people or Wynonna Judd, Chaz Bono, and Kirstie Alley.
The 23-year old jumped around and hopped around and she just could not seem to get that damn golden dragon off of her back. She even tried some fancy M.C. Hammer moves but "Goldy" did not budge. While the dance circus was going on GaGa Woman even paused long enough to actually use the toilet that was on the stage.
Janet Jackson came out and lip synced her song ala the queen of the lip syncers Britney Spears. It was pitiful, pathetic, plebeian, and platitudinous.
Hopefully in the not-to-distant future Great Britain and the United States will outlaw lip syncing once and for all. It is basically a con job. Lip syncing has been compared to a man paying for a high-priced call girl and then having a blowup doll show up.
Jackson, who is 43, certainly proved that she needs to retire and let the younger singers, who actually sing, take over. She was dressed in her father's Sunday-go-to-church clothes. Her pants crotch for some weird reason hung down halfway to her knees. It actually looked ridiculously nauseating. And at times the words and her mouth were no where synchronized. Perhaps the shows producers should pay her in Monopoly money.
And so now there are three X-Factor contestants left. Olly Murs, Joe McElderry, and Stacey Solomon.
SIDENOTE: It has turned out that the nude photos of Dannii Minogue that surfaced on the Internet this week were not of her. Ashley Cole has confirmed that the photos are actually of his wife Cheryl. He was quite surprised actually because he said that the tattoo of the A and C on her left (blank) should have given it away.
