PLANTATION, Florida - The infamous Banana Boy, who's real name is Paquito De Los Platanatitos, confided to Larry King that he is the long lost illegitimate grandson of the Queen of the Cha Cha Cha, the fruit salad hatted Carmen Miranda.
Miss Miranda who did more for the sale of bananas than the entire three marketing and sales departments of Chiquita, Dole, and Del Monte never told anyone about her 'secret' grandson.
Miranda's life long hair stylist, Tostadita Carachula, who definitely had her work cut out for her on a daily basis, was the first to reveal the true identity of the young man known as Banana Boy.
Miss Carachula said that the only reason that she did it was because she wanted Paquito to receive the $1 million that his grandmother had left him in her will.
Larry King put up a photo of his grandmother on the left half of the TV screen with Paquito on the right half and the resemblance was amazingly uncanny.
Both grandmother and grandson had the same hair color, eye color, nose, and ear lobes. The director for the Larry King Live Show even superimposed a tutti fruitti hat like the one Carmen Miranda wore on Paquito's head and the resemblance was even more extraordinarily remarkable even down to the friggin banana seeds!
Paquito was asked if he ever had an inkling that he could possibly be related to the famous lady that many called La Reina de La Ensalada de Fruta (The Queen of The Fruit Salad).
Banana Boy smiled and said that he had no idea. He did confess that as a youngster one of his favorite songs was "The Banana Boat Song." He said that he memorized that song and would sing it every night before he fell asleep.
He said that he liked the song so much that he learned it in Spanish, German, Yiddish, and Cherokee.
Banana Boy said that back in 1987, in a case of futuristic deja vu, he actually dated one of the singers of the British band Bananarama.
He sat and noted that looking back there were certain things that he now realizes were a direct result of his being related to La Carmencita, as her fans in Latin America called her.
BB as Fifi, his second cousin twice removed once forcibly, called him said that growing up he always had a tremendous craving for banana pudding.
She remarked that little BB could eat a whole 'bunch' of banana pudding fruit cups and never once throw up, like some of the other Guatemalan kids did.
BB also became quite adept at eating bananas - peel and all. He would tell the other kids that 90 percent of the bananas nutrients were actually in the peel, kinda like an apple, but not effen really, when you really sit down and friggin ponder it.
Sad to say that due to the fact that Banana Boy recently turned state's evidence against the Mexican Drug Cartel Lord Senor Tuitti Fruitti, he has had to go into hiding in the United States Government's Witness Protection Program.
Paquito De Los Platanatitos, aka Banana Boy, presently works at the fruit salad bar at an undisclosed Luby's Cafeteria located in Yellowstone National Park.
Banana Boy's new name under the U.S. Witness Protection Program is Yoshihiro Ishikari.
In a related story. Game wardens in Malawi are reporting that due to the banana shortage in their country, they are finding that millions of monkeys are migrating over to Zambia, where bananas are extremely plentiful. Another factor that explains the tremendous monkey migration is the fact that the Zambians do not eat monkeys like the Malawi people do.