Coleen Rooney Vows To Get Back Into A Size 10 Bikini Swimsuit With The Aid of A...Vibrating Bar

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

image for Coleen Rooney Vows To Get Back Into A Size 10 Bikini Swimsuit With The Aid of A...Vibrating Bar
A photo of Coleen taken by Wayne three days before she got pregnant.

LONDON - Coleen Rooney gave birth to her first child Kai Wayne Buckingham Rooney on November 2.

And the 23-year-old wife of Manchester United footballer Wayne Rooney says that she has made herself a promise that she will get back into a size 10 bikini swimsuit by Christmas Eve of this year.

And how will Mrs. Rooney accomplish this monumental task. She says that she has secured the services of one of the world's leading physiotherapists, Mitsuharo Kashendo of Yokohama, Japan.

Kashendo (which rhymes with crescendo) has invented a unique invention called the Frexi Vibrating Bar. The Frexi-Bar can be bought in most department stores in the U.K., The U.S., the old U.S.S.R., and the new I.U.D.

The Frexi Vibrating Bar is sold in the United States and the United Kingdom under the brand name Flexi Vibrating Bar.

The mechanics of the Flexi-Bar are very simple. There is a vibrating instrument panel inside the bar which acts as a type of vibrating instrument panel.

This VIP when mechanically triggered sends electronically charged waves to the wave receptacle which in turn takes these ECW's and bombards then with billions of synchronized neutralized neutrons that have been mixed with logistically enhanced adversarial phish components.

This pish posh of phish protoplasmic propellants then tumultuously travel down a type of integrated multitasking archival boulevard.

They eventually blend in with the millions of various semi-conductor capacitors and circuits which then universally merge counter clockwise with a simulated non-peripheral nano diode-like tsk-tsk element, which thank goodness is extremely user friendly.

And that in a basic nutshell briefly explains how the Flexi-Bar works. Of course extreme heat or extreme cold could alter its operation a tad (i.e. smidgen).

Little baby Rooney, whom the happy couple calls Bucky, was born in Liverpool's Ringo Star Women's Hospital. The little tyke weighed an amazing 17 pounds, but luckily most of that was water weight and the first time that little Kai Wayne Buckingham Rooney peed he pissed out about 9 pounds of water.

Dr. Sterling Roughgarden, who delivered baby Rooney, is a hard-core Manchester United fan. He pointed out that the Rooney baby has rather large hands and feet, but added that he has a very tiny little uvula.

Both mother and father are doing well. Mrs. Rooney told one of the nurses that she will not push her little boy into playing football.

The nurse, who is also a staunch M.U. fan, looked quite disappointed. Coleen say her look of distress and quickly remarked that she will however let her hubby push little Bucky into playing football.

SIDENOTE: The hospital administrator Wainwright Uxbridge allowed the entire hospital staff to take a photo with Mr. and Mrs. Rooney and their newborn baby. The photo which had to be taken in the hospital's parking lot included the three members of the Rooney family and 193 Ringo Starr Women's Hospital employees.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more