In a concerted attempt to grab the spotlight back from the Irish twins, a plan has been unveiled to bring Danyl Johnson out of the closet in stages to make him more palatable to the mature fanbase, it was reported this morning.
"In week one he admitted to teaching modern dance. For week two his bisexuality was "leaked" to the media. By week three he was openly holding hands with another man" Simon's spokesman told our reporter. "Next week he'll be appearing in one of the slapper costumes vacated by Kandy Rain and after that, the sky's the limit. He can do Barbra Streisand sings Judy Garland if he feels like it."
The spokesman continued: "Octogenarians who've fought for their country don't really understand gayness. Most of them can barely operate a microwave."
