Ex-Letterman Writer Spills The Beans

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 29 October 2009

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Three of David Letterman's writers watching The Jay Leno Show on the Internet.

NEW YORK CITY - An ex-writer for David Letterman's Late Show Nancy Scoggington says that she can no longer keep quiet about her time as a Letterman staff member.

She revealed to a reporter for Venetian Fair Magazine the reasons she quit.

Scogginton said that working on the staff at times felt like being being incarcerated in a Nazi concentration camp except that no one spoke German or wore army helmets.

The attractive 24-year-old told Venitian Fair that she was made to 'fetch' coffee for the male staffers. She was also instructed to keep quiet unless the head writer Cameron Woolydarski told her to speak.

And worst of all, whenever someone would bring in a dozen donuts, she and the other three female writers were not allowed to get a donut.

Scoggington said that instead, after the male staffers had picked through the different flavored donuts the female staffers were then allowed to pick one donut.

They had a plastic knife that they kept in one of the drawers. One of the female staffers would then get the knife and pick out one, and only one donut, and cut it into four pieces.

Each of the four women would then get one of the four pieces. Mr. Woolydarski used to laugh and say that he did not want his female writers getting all fat and stuff.

The male writers would then make remarks like Hattie (Fufuwitz) is starting to look like Wynonna Judd, and Danielle (Zapaluski) is looking a lot like Kirstie Alley, and Ling Ling Bling's butt is sure looking like Oprah Winfrey's butt.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The interesting thing is that Ling Ling is Chinese and her complexion is as white as Kate Hudson's.]

Scoggington also revealed that each of the four female writers had to write three jokes each. The four male writers would then pick out two of the three jokes that each individual female wrote and receive the writing credit.

She also added that when one of the female guests requested to have her toenails polished one of the four female writers would have to polish her toenails for her.

And if one of the males needed help tying his tie, one of the female writers would have to do that as well.

Scogginton said that the final straw was when comedian Andy Dick requested that he was going to give Letterman a big kiss on his lips and he wanted to have one of the female writers go to his dressing room so that he could practice.

SIDENOTE: Nancy Scoggington says that she has gotten together with award-winning writer Suzette Van Teapot to write what promises to be a highly intimate expose on the behind-the-scenes goings on.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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