The three-year marriage of Vacuous Tart Jordan and pointless twat Peter Andre was brought to an end in little more than a minute today when the insipid celebrity couple were granted a "quickie divorce".
The divorce proceedings lasted considerably longer than Andre's singing career and longer than the other recent celebrity mockery of a wedding involving disease-ridden whore Peaches Geldoff.
Neither were at London's High Court for the short proceedings this morning, since they became confused by the complex directions in the Janet and John Map of London.
After the names were read out, District Judge Bradley had to fight the urge to vomit in a bucket and later revealed that both parties had cross-petitioned on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour and had both signed with an "x" due to handwriting difficulties caused by a sudden outbreak of pernicious twattery.
Vapid Celebrity Haemmorhoid Andre's lawyers have made an application to keep the papers in the case confidential.
Price, 31 and Andre, 36, with a combined mental age of 7 chose to divorce each other, filing cross decrees under "Pointless Tart -v- Waste of Skin" - Andre's real name.
The pair married in 2005 after meeting as contestants on I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! the year before.
It is believed that Andre may be in line to receive the one brain cell available to the couple in the divorce settlement.
