Oprah Near Death Following Chris Brown Sofa Attack

Funny story written by Stiff Writer

Thursday, 6 August 2009


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Sofa proved less than comfy for Oprah

US chat show queen Oprah Winfrey is struggling for her life following a vicious assault by hip-hop star Chris Brown witnessed by an audience of millions.

Brown was appearing on the Oprah's television show in an apparent attempt to salvage his reputation following a high profile court case concerning his violent assault on former girlfriend Rihanna.

As the interview progressed he became increasingly upset by the tone of the questions. Sharianna Budgen, 24, was a member of the studio audience.

"Well, he started getting mad, you know? He was raving that if she didn't shut her ho bitch mouth he was gonna shut it for her.

"Then when she carried on with the questions about him beating on Rihanna, he started telling her how he was gonna shove her goddamn comfy sofa right up her great fat ass. Well I guess we all thought it was just, you know, a turn of phrase, right up until the moment when he actually did it."

After being rushed to hospital strapped to the roof of an ambulance, Oprah spent thirteen hours undergoing surgery to remove a large item of furniture from her lower intestine, and remains in intensive care.

Medical experts have speculated that many bones would have been shattered, and a number of internal organs ruptured, by the entry of a well proportioned sofa into Oprah's rectum and its subsequent passage through her colon.

"Oprah will sure be needing a nice comfy chair if she pulls through, but I guess that's the last thing she wants to see right now." Laughs Doctor Williams of Illinois General Hospital.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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