Non-Jackson-Five relatives speak out about Michael Jackson

Funny story written by Steddyeddy

Saturday, 27 June 2009

image for Non-Jackson-Five relatives speak out about Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson's last known performance of "Thriller"

Many Jackson relatives of Michael Jackson have today spoken out about the singer's unfortunate premature death.

First off her marks was Michael Jackson's aunt and well known MP and former acrtess Glenda Jackson. She was said to be devastated by the news, and was heading to a popular record store to purchase the entire Michael Jackson and Jackson Five CD back catalogue on expenses. She said that she felt it was the least she could do.

Michael's uncle, Tom Jackson, a popular Yorkshireman and former Assistant General Secretary of the Union of Post Office Workers, and who himself died just over 6 years ago while waiting for the Royal Mail to deliver his prescription, was also said to be near to tears. He said that although he didn't like Michael Jackson or the music he and his family made, he felt a very close bond. Speaking at a press conference in the grounds of the St Catherine's Cemetry in Keighley, he said that the only singing celebrity he had in fact ever met was Max Bygraves.

Another relation, Joe Jackson, the popular new wave, power pop and jazz fusion singer was also said to be devastated. Speaking from his Berlin home, he said that he was sorry that he didn't dedicate his songs "Is She Really Going Out with Him?", "Beat Crazy" and "It's Different for Girls" on the occasion of Michael's marriage to his children's nanny, but that now he is going to dedicate his song "Jack your Dead" to him in the morning.

Michael's great uncle, the late Gordon Jackson, has sent a letter of condolence from the set of the remake of Upstairs Downstairs and The Professionals. Hearing the news while changing costumes, he was so upset that for almost half of an episode of the Professionals, Gordon appears in a butler's uniform.

Finally Michael's first cousin Robbie Jackson and his wife Wellard, once familiar faces in the BBC soap opera EastEnders, have also sent their condolences. Robbie, who took time of from his new play "On the Dole", which is currently playing in the Newcastle Job Centre, was also said to be very upset. He said that Micahel Jackson was a giant, particularly amongst small people, and that much of his music was composed of notes and words cleverly played in tandem to produce a song.

Several clothes retailers are stocking up on white socks in Michael's memory.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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